Porn vs sexy time

yeah, it's no big deal. tried watching , 10 sec and i'm tired of it already. i guess nothing beats the real thing. and maybe doing it with the person you're attracted to.

there's no sense watching other people doing it. it's too personal that seeing it makes you realize that yeah this is intrusion. i'd rather do it spontaneously,instantaneously.

If I die before I wake tomorrow

If I die before I wake...

I hope I dream of the man I could have been with and...
in my wedding dress where he would look at me as if he's the luckiest guy on earth
as if I'm the most beautiful thing in the world
as if we'd live forever
and kiss me as if it were the last and first time

If I die before I wake...

I wish my dreams were of filled ambitions and...
of places i saw myself, in serbian snow wearing my russian hat
bicycling with the leaves falling in korean autum,
and walking barefoot while raining in paris
and summer gazing in the pyramids of egypt

If I die before I wake...

I would dream of what dreams were made of....
riding in the helicopter and landing on the rigs in arctic seas
holding the blueprint of the future
and getting ready to the public charity events

If I die before I wake...

I hope the people I'd leave behind will move on
and still remember me
and my life

If I die before I wake...

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

Scared

Last month i went to the doctor to check on my APE and the result came out quite scary. I have some small lumps in my chest and my doctor wants to have an apocolartic view or of it. Wow, i mean WOW. I'm scared to go back at my chest ultrasound. i really am. gosh, i wish i could tell someone.

i really do. :(